Could real estate ever define your relationship?

This article in the NYT on Monday caught my eye. It’s about couples whose relationships are tested when they have to make the big decision about whether to move in together.

Since apartments at reasonable prices are so hard to find in New York,

(s)ome couples move in together rather quickly just because a lease has run out. Some can’t decide who moves where because neither wants to give up a good deal on an apartment. Others make the leap and marry because they fear that a co-op board will reject them if they are just living together. And there are people who rule out potential partners simply because of where they live.

Fabulous apartments at equally fabulous prices are so hard to come by in New York that the possession of one, or lack thereof, can easily tip the balance in a relationship. While major life changes like marriage and children influence real estate decisions in all parts of the country, the scarcity of New York real estate bargains actually seems to cause life changes, or at least push them along.

After reading the article, I wondered if the same principle could apply in Hawaii with our high housing costs. Although, many young people here still live with their parents and are content to do so for a decade or more BECAUSE of the high cost of rent or buying a place. For some reason, there doesn’t seem to be the same mad rush among young Hawaii residents to find their own perfect little studio when the option of just living at home is still available.

How much should real estate be considered when you get into a relationship? If both of you are living in separate apartments, you might want to move in together, split the rent and save hundreds of dollars a month. But then the question is, who has to move?

And what if both of you are still living at home? Would you want to have a little more privacy and rent or buy a place of your own?

Then, the big question becomes: At what point should you move in with your significant other? You’d have to consider not only your financial situation, but whether the experience would make or break your relationship.

I’ve personally seen good and bad examples of couples moving in together. Some still have great relationships and are working through the little sources of friction that suddenly appear when you move in with someone. Other couples haven’t fared so well, and are left with a sticky housing situation when the relationship goes sour.

Anyone have experience? Thoughts? Fairy-tale endings? Horror stories?