As if there hasn’t been enough parental hand-wringing about co-ed dorms, now there’s a new college housing trend to get worked up about: co-ed rooms.

At least two dozen schools across the country, including Brown University, the University of Pennsylvania, Oberlin College, Clark University and the California Institute of Technology, now offer some or all students the option of sharing a room with any person they choose, even someone of the opposite sex, according to this Friday article on CNN.com. Stanford University appears to be the next to introduce co-ed rooms.

Some parents are horrified. Even if the couple sharing the room aren’t engaged in any kind of romantic relationship, why put yourself in an intimate living situation where all kinds of embarrassments and sexual tension could develop down the road?, they ask. Says CNN:

As shocking as it sounds to some parents, some students and schools say it’s not about sex.

Instead, they say the demand is mostly from heterosexual students who want to live with close friends who happen to be of the opposite sex. Some gay students who feel more comfortable rooming with someone of the opposite sex are also taking advantage of the option.

Certainly there are advantages to allowing students the choice of living with someone of the opposite sex. It’s sometimes a better arrangement for heterosexual couples who want to save themselves the effort of locating another roommate and who want to save money. And it seems unfair to deny heterosexual couples the option when school rules, ostensibly written to discourage romantic relationships from becoming distractions in dorms, allow same-sex couples to live together.

But it’s easy to see why some, especially Baby Boomers, are balking at the idea. My dad likes to remind me that in his day, you wouldn’t see people of the opposite sex interacting on the same campus, let alone the same hall or dorm room.

As much as I’d like to write the critics off as “old-fashioned,” men and women were kept separate for reasons that still pertain today — regardless of how progressive you are, or how platonic your friendship may be with your best guy friend or female friend, your relationship will be a little different when you start sleeping, studying and changing clothes in the same room.

Parents can take a breather — from the numbers, it appears not all students are signing up immediately. UPenn, for example, started offering the option in 2005, and only about 120 of the school’s 10,400 students took part this year, according to the article.

If I were offered the option, I’m not sure I would jump at the opportunity, either. It would be nice to have that choice if a boyfriend and I wanted to live together to save on rent. But just as I’m not sure I could stand even my closest guy friends’ personal living habits, so too would I not want to subject them to my clothes on the floor or my make-up strewn around the bathroom sink.

Some of my male friends have these hilarious visions of how perfect and neat girls are, and I’d like to be able to still revel in messiness without letting them catch on.

In college, I enjoyed living in co-ed dorms, even a co-ed suite with co-ed bathrooms, and I never felt uncomfortable. But living with a guy, even a close friend, in close quarters would be a much greater challenge. I don’t know. Call me old-fashioned.

photo: www.cnn.com

A friend is in town this week for a conference and is staying with me. So, for the first time I get to see what it’s like living with another person in my 420-sq.-ft. studio, which, up until Friday, was furnished only with a Queen-size aerobed, a TV, two Wal-mart folding tables and a weird-looking brown dresser.

It’s a situation likely experienced by anyone from Hawaii with close friends — and sometimes not-so-close friends — who come for a visit. You’ve noticed those longing looks in their eyes when you talk affectionately of 85-degree weather and pristine beaches. Everyone says yes, they’d LOVE to make the trip and, being full of the Aloha Spirit, you extend the invitation of a “someday” visit. And, of course, you offer your home as an alternative to a $300-per-night hotel.

But what happens when they take you up on the offer?

Any twenty-something who likes to travel has probably played the roles of both host and guest. I’ve hosted several college friends in Hawaii, offering a spare bed in my parents’ house (when I lived there) or a sleeping bag on the floor in my apartment. All have been great so far, cooking meals or giving me time alone when I needed it to work or study.

Other hosts I know haven’t been so lucky. I always prepare friends beforehand for the space-constraints of Hawaii living. With space being so tight, it’s often easy for guests to overstay their welcome. It’s tough when the host is on a 9-to-5 work schedule and the guest(s) are not. I’ve heard horror stories about vacationing “guests from hell” who stay out way past when their exhausted host has gone to bed and come stumbling in around 5 in the morning — sometimes with other people. Some hosting experiences go bad after just a few days and the guest winds up seeking out another place, getting a hotel, or booking an earlier flight.

There are various lists of rules compiled for being a good house guest. Most recommend the “three-day rule” for non-relatives. Here’s Rule Two of a ten-rule list supposedly posted by a New Yorker on Craig’s List:

Rule Two
All visitors planning to stay more than three days and nights are now required to show one of the following documents.
1. A valid airplane ticket from a different country (Texas not included)
2. An insurance claim proving that your house burnt down.
3. The birth certificate proving that I once lived in your (or your wife’s) womb for nine months (which is indeed way more than three days)
-Or-
4. Photo ID proving that you are Johnny Depp or Viggo Mortenson.

At 24, I long for the day when I will be able to offer a friend an actual “guest room” — not just a clean spot on the carpet. But I’m afraid that day is still far away. Until then, I suppose my guests will have to make do.

Plus, whenever I get an email from a friend coming to visit, I remember that I’ve slept on my fair share of other peoples’ floors and couches — in New York, Chicago, California and Japan, to name a few. I like to think of it as doing my part as one member of a community of globetrotters. It all somehow evens out in the wide world of traveling and random floor-crashing.

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Coincidentally (promise), there is an article in the NYT today about presidential campaign workers depending on the generosity of supporters for places to stay on the campaign trail.

Could real estate ever define your relationship?

This article in the NYT on Monday caught my eye. It’s about couples whose relationships are tested when they have to make the big decision about whether to move in together.

Since apartments at reasonable prices are so hard to find in New York,

(s)ome couples move in together rather quickly just because a lease has run out. Some can’t decide who moves where because neither wants to give up a good deal on an apartment. Others make the leap and marry because they fear that a co-op board will reject them if they are just living together. And there are people who rule out potential partners simply because of where they live.

Fabulous apartments at equally fabulous prices are so hard to come by in New York that the possession of one, or lack thereof, can easily tip the balance in a relationship. While major life changes like marriage and children influence real estate decisions in all parts of the country, the scarcity of New York real estate bargains actually seems to cause life changes, or at least push them along.

After reading the article, I wondered if the same principle could apply in Hawaii with our high housing costs. Although, many young people here still live with their parents and are content to do so for a decade or more BECAUSE of the high cost of rent or buying a place. For some reason, there doesn’t seem to be the same mad rush among young Hawaii residents to find their own perfect little studio when the option of just living at home is still available.

How much should real estate be considered when you get into a relationship? If both of you are living in separate apartments, you might want to move in together, split the rent and save hundreds of dollars a month. But then the question is, who has to move?

And what if both of you are still living at home? Would you want to have a little more privacy and rent or buy a place of your own?

Then, the big question becomes: At what point should you move in with your significant other? You’d have to consider not only your financial situation, but whether the experience would make or break your relationship.

I’ve personally seen good and bad examples of couples moving in together. Some still have great relationships and are working through the little sources of friction that suddenly appear when you move in with someone. Other couples haven’t fared so well, and are left with a sticky housing situation when the relationship goes sour.

Anyone have experience? Thoughts? Fairy-tale endings? Horror stories?

That is the question.

After moving out of my parents’ house last October, and spending the last several months living happily on my own, I’m now facing the dilemma of what to do next. The person I am subletting from is returning from abroad, meaning I need to either find another place or move back with my parents.

So, I’ve been looking at the usual apartment and housing websites and fishing for roommates, but there are other questions, too.

WHERE. First of all: where to live? Do I stay close to town where rents are high or move away from the city and get a better deal but a more frustrating commute? What about the character of the neighborhood? As a young female, where would I feel comfortable walking around at night?

ROOMMATES. Should I try to live with a roommate? And if so, should I recruit a friend or try my luck with someone I don’t know? AND, if it’s someone I don’t know, how do I make sure that that person isn’t loud/mean/a slob/a neat freak/insane/going to allow her boyfriend to move in with us? Do I have a choice?

HOW MUCH? How much am I willing to pay for rent? Should I be saving money instead? Should I move back to my parents’ house and try to save money so that I’ll eventually (hopefully!) be able to buy my own place?

PARKING. I feel like parking could make or break a deal in Honolulu. Street parking seems almost too uncertain to deal with. But maybe I’m wrong?

I think these are all questions we have to ask when trying to decide whether to rent or where to rent, especially given the high costs and the budget constraints many 20-somethings are working with. Also, although I can afford it now, I can’t help thinking that maybe I should be saving money, since I do want to eventually have a place of my own. There’s so much to consider!

Help! Anyone have advice?

I recently moved out of my parents’ house and into an apartment.

And let me tell you, is it liberating!

Lots of college grads return home to the islands after school, like I did, and move right in with the ‘rents. It’s pretty great, really. You get your old room back, with all your stuff, a home-cooked meal every night and best of all — it’s FREE.

In Hawaii I think you find a greater percentage of young people living with their parents in the same house they grew up in than in other places. Convenience, as well as the high cost of renting your own place, are big factors.

Also, I think we can’t disregard the fact that the way we in Hawaii view living with parents might be different from how some folks on the mainland view such a situation. Our culture here is dominated by Asian traditions and cultural values, one of which is the importance of family.

Now, I’m certainly not saying that people outside Hawaii don’t think families are important, I simply think it’s most culturally acceptable in the islands to find several generations living under one roof.

However, despite the great situation it may appear to be at first, there are some downsides to living with parents, starting first with the fact that many college grads have gotten used to having their own place or living with roommates of a similar age who don’t necessarily question where you’re headed at night and don’t call the police if you don’t come home.

In college, you can go out anytime you like, you can come home anytime you like. With parents, that’s hardly the case.

When I came back from the mainland, it wasn’t that I wanted to go out every night, meet up with strange people and stay out past 3 a.m. In fact, nowadays, I’m usually in bed by midnight.

It’s the fact that IF I had ever wanted to, the freedom to do so simply wasn’t there.

I also truly believe (and this is from experience) that many of us who return from school and move in with our parents are putting ourselves at a disadvantage later in life.

With the exception of now working a job instead of going to school, our lives if living with parents aren’t that much different than when we were in high school. Sure, we may pay our own cell phone bills and gym memberships, but what about the water and electricity bills? What about shopping for groceries and knowing what to get?

When I moved out, I barely knew how to make more than ramen and rice (in a rice cooker). My roommate once ridiculed me for heating Ragu in the microwave.

Moving out helped me realize that living with my parents had really stunted my growth and maturity in many ways. Ultimately, it took packing up my stuff and getting my own place for me to understand that.

With rents skyrocketing, few young people I know feel they can afford to rent — let alone own — their own place. And with the option of living at home being so convenient, it’s difficult for many people to convince themselves that living alone would be worth an extra thousand dollars minimum in expenditures per month.

It IS a lot of money.

But I would argue that even if monthly rent makes a significant dent in your paycheck, you ought to weigh that cost with the cost of your sanity, and the benefits of freedom, independence and real world experience.

At 23, I’m not a kid anymore. My total income doesn’t consist of $10 allowance a week. It’s worth taking a look at your finances and weighing those financial costs with the benefits.

And in the end, go back to those local family values and think also of the benefits to your relationship with your parents. Mom and Dad will want to take care of you as long as they are able. But when you still have the needs of a child, there is a tendency for parents to treat you as such, and that’s not healthy for either you or them.

When your parents started giving you an allowance, they did it because they wanted you to learn. And I think my parents would be especially proud of all the learning I’ve done on my own in these last few months.