Is having kids earlier a better CAREER choice?
October 27th, 2009 by Kim
It's impossible to picture my female friends with kids.
Between making it to the office on time, going out on weekends and prepping for classes, their lives are so busy that they barely have time to date, let alone start a family.
But some women are dealing with career demands in a curious way -- they're having kids earlier.
The Wall Street Journal reported in February that, in 2006, the average age at which women first had children posted a decline for the first time since records have been kept. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, which has been measuring birthrate data for 40 years, a woman's mean age at first birth was 25.0 years in 2006, down from 25.2 in 2005.
That shift was largely due to a trend among women ages 20-24, who posted a 5 percent increase in the rate of first births.
Going from 25.2 years to 25.0 years may not seem significant, but there is anecdotal evidence to support this apparent trend.
There are more career and education opportunities afforded to women today than ever before. Yet, women my age who are just coming out of school or entering the workplace have a span of about 10 years to establish their careers, find a partner, begin a stable marriage, get their finances in order and have children before our biological clocks really become a concern.
If you ask me, that's a lot to accomplish in not very much time.
By the logic of some young women I've talked to, having kids in your mid-twenties lets you avoid possible complications that could arise from having a baby only after your career has taken off. It also means you'll have more energy to spend on your kids -- AND that grandma and grandpa will have more energy to spend on them.
But most importantly, these women say, it allows you to get the hard part over with and get on with your career.
Are women who choose to have children earlier making a better decision for their careers? What's your take?
Tags: family
October 27th, 2009 at 8:34 am
I am not sure how it affects a career choice but having kids earlier means that you can share more of your life with them. It may mean that you may have to make some sacrifices financially but career wise I think that if you are a capable person it really wouldn't matter that much.
We had kids at 30 and were/are pretty successful in business and I wish that we had kids when we were in our early 20s. Those few extra years would make a big difference.
Alan from Makiki
October 27th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Once, at a take-out Chinese delicatessen, I was talking to a young Polynesian woman about careers. She said she had her career all planned out. She was going to get married by the age of 20 and raise several kids. She was serious. I jerked because I never thought of marriage as a career. She had a different mindset. Women have different options, unlike men.
@Kim. You are young and you have many more years ahead of you before your biological clock runs out, so it is not a concern. One of these days, your dashing Prince Charming going come and sweep you off your feet, like a thief in the night, and before you know it, you going be married, start raising a family and buy a home. I am not talking fairy tales. It is happening. Patience is a virtue.
And another thing. When you get kids later in life, the kids are more more intelligent. That is another crazy theory I own. Someone should do research on this topic. I see it among people I know.
And another one. Don't worry about being too old as a grandparent. It is up to the parents to raise their own kids. If anything, it's for the grandparents to spoil their grandchildren, however, here in Hawaii and even the rest of the US, you see many parents dump their kids on their parents to raise, and that is another story
October 27th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
If you plan, as you've posted previously, to have your kids attend 'Iolani, having kids early might not work out too well. If you're still trying to get your career going, you might have a tough time coming up with the tuition, especially if you have multiple kids. Being in the early part of your career could also make it more difficult to take time off from work to attend your kids' events or take care of them when they're sick.
Of course, that will depend in part on how much your kids' dad can contribute, to the kids' care as well as tuition. This would probably work a lot better if you find an older guy who's already well established financially and in his career.
October 27th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I think the financial aspect is a big factor. If you have kids early, you are scrambling to pay for things like rent, food, diapers, child care, etc. Then there's the house you want to save for and buy. And later on, what if you want to send the kids to private school and then college?
If you wait until your career is on a more solid path, affording these things might be easier when you eventually do have kids.
@Makiki: Another viewpoint is quality time with your kids vs. quantity. An "older" parent may have built up more vacation time or established their business or work hours to the point where they can spend more time with family while the kids are being raised (as opposed to later in their adult years; remember the song, "Cat's in the Cradle?").
I even have an uncle who is already retired and can spend all the time he wants with his two young kids. A lot of times, like I said, younger parents are just scrambling to make ends meet and this can cut severely into their family time and what they can provide for their children.
Personally, I would want to be in a situation where I have enough time and money to coach my kids' youth sports teams, take them on family trips, help them with their homework, etc.
Wen you're young and don't yet have your career established, I think this would be harder to pull off ...
October 27th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Not sure I want to touch this one. What you do Kim is totally up to you and that guy you may or may not have met yet. I do like James' comments and second them, especially his thoughts on grandparents.
October 27th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
All great comments and insight.
I'm in my mid 20s and see many of my friends having children, planned and unplanned. Personally, I'm of the mindset that I would like to accomplish as many (if not all) of my personal, career and financial goals before I even consider having a child. And if that takes me well into my 30s, then so be it. However, I do understand that women have a much shorter timetable from a biological standpoint.
When I have a child, I want to be able to devote as much of my time, attention and resources to him/her as possible. I just don't see that happening with all the things I'm currently doing and all the things I have yet to accomplish.
October 27th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
I'm in my mid 20's and this topic has definitely been on my mind the past 6 months or so. I see the pros for having kids earlier and also waiting when you're more financially, emotionally, etc. stable. Hrmmm...
October 27th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
HeleND--I second what you said.
October 27th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
To each his/her own, but I can tell you that I know a few women who have successful careers, but there's a glimmer in their eye that tells me they wish they'd had kids. One day we'll all quit work, some of us will have the joy of watching our kids grow up, some others will play Bingo and volunteer at elementary schools, with even more regret for sticking out their careers in their 20's and 30's. Maybe I'm biased, but I have a 7 month old and my wife quit the corporate world, and we couldn't be happier.
btw, college costs out pace inflation by double, so if you don't think you can afford college............you can't!
October 27th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Thanks for the personal tips guys, but really I'm not thinking about having kids anytime soon. I was trying to form this topic as a generational issue -- not my own issue!
October 27th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
KIM whatever you do marry a guy with cash...! So if you wish to stay home you can!
October 27th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
wahtever you do pick a guy a guy that loves you can manage to hold the fort while you sit home with the baby...otherwise you need a career!
October 27th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
my career sitting home relaxing after raisng my two boys. I had my first son at age 23 then my second son age 30....you have more patience if you are younger and you still think like a kid so you relate better with kids if you are younger.
October 27th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
if you have your kids younger and the guy leaes you have energy to get a job..but if you are older then the guy leaves dang too old to work and kid will suffer for sure..you will neglect them..omg so GOOD LUCK WITH THAT HAVING KID THING I PUT IN MY TIME NOW I AM RELAXING.....will seeing I am still younger I can still babysit..if you have kids older and your paretns are older better get a good job get a sitter for sure you need a career....OH DEAR!
October 27th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
okay pick a guy that have decent parents maybe they will babysit..HA HA HA good luck with that..omg funny!
October 27th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
sometimes no matter how much you plan your life it will have different twist and turn you have to learn to accept them...just because you plan your carrer it doesn't maen it will go that way..or even if you plan to have kids at younger age it doesn't mean anything..just wish and pray the kid is healthy....pick a healthy guy that loves you and and make sure he goes to work....
October 29th, 2009 at 7:12 am
@kim, I wasn't necessarily offering you personal advice, it was more like using you as a metaphor for QL women. It seems like a lot of career-minded women here are also want their kids to go to private school (much more, it seems to me, than career-minded men), and having kids early might take that option off the table, or at least make it a lot more difficult than waiting a bit to have kids. I suspect if you go to a gathering of parents somewhere like 'Iolani or Punahou, you'll find very few moms in their 20s or younger.
Having young kids also can be a career hindrance. For example, it can make it more difficult to take advantage of some career opportunities that require a lot of travel or overtime. A lot of people, male and female, take that kind of job early in their career, then later move into jobs that are more compatible with having kids, jobs that are less available to someone who hadn't first worked the jobs that required all the travel and OT.
October 29th, 2009 at 10:50 am
I've known this intelligent, well-educated, attractive 35-year-old lady in our neighborhood for many years. The other day, she walked by--obviously pregnant. I asked about the father, who turned out to be a sort-of boyfriend down the street. She has no plans now to marry him. As for the baby, she has a strong support system, with mother and friends. She also has a job that will allow her to spend much time with the child.
But I was struck by how casual the whole thing seemed to be. Her "clock was ticking" and I guess she wanted a child, so I guess she just found a boyfriend, and, well...No particular thought as to a husband, that husband's support, and so forth. Is there something wrong with this picture?
October 30th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Here's what's wrong: Why didn't you introduce me to her before?!?
Haha. Just kidding ...
October 30th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
This isn't quite what you're talking about, but I'm 23 years old, set to graduate from UH this May, and three months pregnant with my first child, although it was not quite intentional.
Even though it was a surprise, I have been with my boyfriend (who is 30) for the past three years and we have lived together for the last two. I think because of his age, it's going to be easier for us because HE already has saved up some money and had a career. I, on the other hand, was hoping to jump right into an internship at the Honolulu Advertiser after I graduated (I'm a journalism major) and start my career but this is inevitably going to be put on hold (my due date is a week before graduation, and two weeks before the start of the internship)
I plan to stop working as a cocktail waitress as soon as it becomes impossible to carry a tray along with a giant belly but I'll have to let you know what's to come of my "real" career goals. I still want one, but I guess I have to put it off.
October 30th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
So what Kim, us guys should cancel your baby shower at Rock-Za?
I mean, um, the Kahala........
October 30th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
@Mary, just wondering.... How are you going to get medical insurance for you and your baby? You now have a 'pre-existing condition.'
October 30th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
@ Richard if she can handle herself she is fine....at age 36...JUST wait and see 20 years from now.....then you can ask her again...lol...!
October 30th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
OUR PURPOSE IN THIS EARTH IS TO MULTIPLY... funny.....be fruitful...then croak.....simple as that....!
October 30th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
I had my oldest at age 23 and now he drives me around and cut grass and does the grocery while I relax..so is there a problem with that picture....people will always judge you... but in the end I am happy I had him younger...at age forty I retire and I didn't even have a career to retire from..funny! You see as soon as the kid can drive he is a big help..you sacrifice a bit but in the end ..it is worth it.
October 30th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
people choose career so if they croak where does the money go if they accumulate all that!
October 31st, 2009 at 4:56 am
Mary,
My earlier comments notwithstanding, being a young mother should not necessarily block or sabotage your career goals.
It may make things more complicated and difficult at first, but our industry is full of working mothers who somehow find a way to balance everything.
Obviously focus on your baby first, but I hope you don't let go of your career goals just yet ...
Good luck!