War of the Online Dating Sites
June 26th, 2008 by KimIt seems finding the right online dating site these days can be as tricky as finding the perfect partner, and in the war of online dating site “values” it looks like it’s eHarmony.com vs. Chemistry.com.
From a May 5 piece by Lisa Miller in Newsweek:
Among the young and the single—especially those with Blue State values—wariness about eHarmony runs high. For one thing, there’s the association with Dr. James Dobson. Warren published several of his books under the imprint of Dobson’s Focus on the Family and then, when he was first flogging eHarmony, he did it largely via Dobson’s radio show. “James Dobson … did more to help us get started than any other person,” Warren told NPR’s Terry Gross in 2005. Because of Warren’s strong evangelical bona fides, the impression persists that eHarmony is a dating service for Christians—even though the company has severed its ties with Dobson’s group, and eHarmony “has never been limited to a Christian audience or any particular subset of the population,” says a company lawyer.
A clever marketing campaign by competitor Chemistry.com recently seized on those concerns — and the fact that eHarmony, which has had about 20 million users, rejects about 20 percent of applicants and doesn’t offer a full explanation, as the story notes.
The Chemistry.com TV ads feature seemingly attractive, nice people who mull over their possible reasons for being rejected by eHarmony: Occasionally unhappy. Too many late fees at the library. Too scrawny. “Nope, still gay.”
The accusation that eHarmony discriminates against homosexuals drew the most attention. The site currently only offers two options: “man seeking woman” and “woman seeking man.” eHarmony says it has not ruled out offering same-sex matching in the future — the service is just not available right now.
The 20-percent rejection rate on eHarmony may seem high, but it’s not unreasonable for singles seeking others online to want the sites they use will weed out the serial killers, the weirdos, the stalkers and the crazies.
But, for those who haven’t been lucky in love beyond the Internet, it would be nice to think that your online dating site, at least, would love you the way you are, right?
Tags: online dating, relationships
June 26th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
I don’t see anything wrong with homosexuals on online dating sites. We’re all human in the end anyway. I guess there will never be an end to this kind of stuff.
June 26th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
“the service is just not available right now” sounds like discrimination to me
It is not hard to add this ‘extra service’
Are there not any rules against discrimination these days? :S
June 27th, 2008 at 3:39 am
Just for giggles, I had previously browsed through the questions that E asks…am I looking for a possible mate or applying for an taking a psych survey? I wouldn’t be surprised if these matching sites start checking your credit to see if you a financial match too!!! How much do you have in a retirement plan? Can you withstand losing a job and not working for 6 months?
June 27th, 2008 at 6:20 am
I actually think that a blogging site, like Xanga or LiveJournal, is better than a “dating” site, because if the person blogs frequently, you can get some insight as to how he or she thinks, as opposed to a well thought out profile page and a picture that was probably photoshopped. Ha! (For the record, I met my wife the old fashioned way in real life.)
Whatever complaints people have about eHarmony, it seems to have worked for a lot of people.
June 27th, 2008 at 6:26 am
Jielun: I don’t think you really understand what goes into creating the sort of matching algorithms that make sites like eHarmony successful. There may very well be legitimate reasons for their not offering a service for gay people - like, say, the fact that there just isn’t the same amount of research and information on homosexual relationships as there is on heterosexual ones. Not by a long shot. And any gay person can tell you that the homosexual dating scene is very different from the heterosexual one.
…
On a whim, I took the eHarmony test, and was one of the 20%. I’ve never really given thought to why I might have been rejected. This did, however, inspire me to go re-read my OkCupid profile - hilarity!
June 27th, 2008 at 8:58 am
What about Craig’s List? You can get anything your heart desires. M2F, F2M, T2M, M2T M2M, F2F
Here is the menu:
personals
strictly platonic
women seek women
women seeking men
men seeking women
men seeking men
misc romance
casual encounters
missed connections
rants and raves
June 27th, 2008 at 9:58 am
I just don’t understand why people “resort” to online dating. Aren’t there enough people around us as it is?
June 27th, 2008 at 10:55 am
@bonar: What’s wrong with meeting people online, specifically?
And don’t say “because it’s not normal”, because that is a crap answer.
June 27th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Juh: It just seems desparate to me. If a person feels he/she has exhausted all avenues, then fine. I just don’t see how that would be the case in a major metropolitan area like Oahu.
June 27th, 2008 at 11:56 am
bonar:
I think one of the reasons may be that we are all too busy with work and other life sustaining activities to have the time (or maybe the $$$) to do the normal dating routine…finding someone, phone calls, arranging a first date, phone calls, second date, more phone calls…and then finding out that she/he is not compatible. Doing it online is like ‘one stop shopping’, if I may call it that. It won’t take you long online before you determine that he/she is not for you…you move on to the next. It didn’t cost you but a little time and minimal expenses at most, assuming you aren’t using an online match-finding service. The world is at your key board
June 27th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Son: Mom, everyone hates me
Mom: Don’t say that, you haven’t met everyone yet.
why should eharmony have a service for G & L if they dont want to?
i dont think you should be forcing people to do stuff.
rather than complainning maybe YOU should create a website catering to G & L.
this might be your opportunity to make millions.
if your successful other companies might say “hey, we gotta geta piece of that action” and then you’ll get what you want. thats the FREE MARKET Baby!
you offer something that no one else is or find a better way to do something.
June 27th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
by the way, if someone is really interested in meeting someone gay i do believe there is a gay parade down in waikiki tomorrow. should be better to meet someone there than on an online dating service.
June 27th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
I totally agree with anklebiters. We’re all busy and even if I put the word out that I am single and looking, it can take *forever* for a friend or relative to set up that initial introduction. Granted, even if you meet online you still have to go thru this process that anklebiters describes:
“finding someone, phone calls, arranging a first date, phone calls, second date, more phone calls”
at least you can find out if someone is compatible or not on the onset. The online format makes the “finding someone’ first step happen quicker and easier.
Wicked
June 27th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
I’d have to disagree with mcb:
“by the way, if someone is really interested in meeting someone gay i do believe there is a gay parade down in waikiki tomorrow. should be better to meet someone there than on an online dating service.”
Just because you meet another gay or straight person of the right sex doesn’t mean that (1) they are single (2) they are looking too (3) your are compatible. Having to ask everyone you meet these three questions would take so much time!
W
June 29th, 2008 at 2:14 am
Hi — why are we talking about online dating anyway? Kim, are you online?