Co-ed rooms: Roomcest anyone?
May 6th, 2008 by KimAs if there hasn’t been enough parental hand-wringing about co-ed dorms, now there’s a new college housing trend to get worked up about: co-ed rooms.
At least two dozen schools across the country, including Brown University, the University of Pennsylvania, Oberlin College, Clark University and the California Institute of Technology, now offer some or all students the option of sharing a room with any person they choose, even someone of the opposite sex, according to this Friday article on CNN.com. Stanford University appears to be the next to introduce co-ed rooms.
Some parents are horrified. Even if the couple sharing the room aren’t engaged in any kind of romantic relationship, why put yourself in an intimate living situation where all kinds of embarrassments and sexual tension could develop down the road?, they ask. Says CNN:
As shocking as it sounds to some parents, some students and schools say it’s not about sex.
Instead, they say the demand is mostly from heterosexual students who want to live with close friends who happen to be of the opposite sex. Some gay students who feel more comfortable rooming with someone of the opposite sex are also taking advantage of the option.
Certainly there are advantages to allowing students the choice of living with someone of the opposite sex. It’s sometimes a better arrangement for heterosexual couples who want to save themselves the effort of locating another roommate and who want to save money. And it seems unfair to deny heterosexual couples the option when school rules, ostensibly written to discourage romantic relationships from becoming distractions in dorms, allow same-sex couples to live together.
But it’s easy to see why some, especially Baby Boomers, are balking at the idea. My dad likes to remind me that in his day, you wouldn’t see people of the opposite sex interacting on the same campus, let alone the same hall or dorm room.
As much as I’d like to write the critics off as “old-fashioned,” men and women were kept separate for reasons that still pertain today — regardless of how progressive you are, or how platonic your friendship may be with your best guy friend or female friend, your relationship will be a little different when you start sleeping, studying and changing clothes in the same room.
Parents can take a breather — from the numbers, it appears not all students are signing up immediately. UPenn, for example, started offering the option in 2005, and only about 120 of the school’s 10,400 students took part this year, according to the article.
If I were offered the option, I’m not sure I would jump at the opportunity, either. It would be nice to have that choice if a boyfriend and I wanted to live together to save on rent. But just as I’m not sure I could stand even my closest guy friends’ personal living habits, so too would I not want to subject them to my clothes on the floor or my make-up strewn around the bathroom sink.
Some of my male friends have these hilarious visions of how perfect and neat girls are, and I’d like to be able to still revel in messiness without letting them catch on.
In college, I enjoyed living in co-ed dorms, even a co-ed suite with co-ed bathrooms, and I never felt uncomfortable. But living with a guy, even a close friend, in close quarters would be a much greater challenge. I don’t know. Call me old-fashioned.
photo: www.cnn.com
Tags: college, housing, relationships
May 6th, 2008 at 6:49 am
I think offering that choice makes sense to some but most will not take it up. They should also have an out in the event things don’t work out.
My single son lives in a rented house with 3 single female friends he knew in HS. He started off rooming with 3 of his guy friends while going to college but gradually all graduated and moved elsewhere. He has a long time gf who lives at home but I guess the living arrangement is working well with all. The location in town and proximity to his work makes it ideal for him to stay there.
May 6th, 2008 at 7:44 am
There is a line that shouldn’t be crossed, and I think this is it. Even though I’m 28, I’m still old fashioned, even though as I look back at college there were a few girl friends who I could have co-habitated with, I think. I’ll bet most of the students who do co-habitate are those homely, anti social ones anyway, like in the picture.
May 6th, 2008 at 7:59 am
In this day and age young people continue to blur the lines between what they feel is “appropriate” and what older generations think of as being “appropriate.” What I’m actually surprised by is that more universities don’t offer this option. I’m not saying I would choose to live this option, but like hemajang said, it’s a choice that students should make for themselves.
I know that there are a TON of pitfalls involved with this possible type of situation, but you know, when I was in college (about 7 years ago) after our second year a lot of my friends moved into houses off campus and a lot of them lived in co-ed houses. Now I know this isn’t exactly the same thing, but it’s sort of close. I think part of the college process is transitioning into adulthood and it’s by having decisions like these to make, and live with, that make you an adult.
May 6th, 2008 at 8:05 am
kim,
i don’t know where you find these topics for your blog, but they certainly broaden my horizons. i wouldn’t do it in college for the simple reason it would cut into your social life too much, even if that person of the opposite sex is a close friend.
May 6th, 2008 at 9:07 am
i guess the standpoint these universities are coming from is that these are adult students you are dealing with. they have the freedom to choose what they are going to do. i think its a bit immature for some to think that just because they offer co-ed rooms means that there’s going to be a whole lot of *gasp* sex going on…c’mon…people who want to have sex, will have sex, when and where ever they want to. not to mention it’s not like they’re forcing males and females to live together and just randomly throwing them into dorm rooms, its an option for those who want it. maybe the colleges are saving couples money in 2 ways…one on rent in college and two…when they finally realize that they can’t stand living with the other person, thus preventing a wedding, honeymoon, and divorce fees later! lol!!
May 6th, 2008 at 9:31 am
I would think that most wahines would be horrified at the prospect of dealing with male flatulence on a daily basis! And I’m not trying to be sexist, but those guys who are sharing rooms with girls in college may be surprised when they have to deal with their roommates every month when they have what comes at the end of this sentence.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:16 am
@franksabunch
Girls fart just as much as guys do. Just as potent too. They just hide it better.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:53 am
@Juh — Women don’t fart. They “perfume” the air. Haha!
May 7th, 2008 at 6:26 am
To room or not to room… that would be the choice of the roomies.. i see no reason for consenting people to live in a co-ed typr dorm.. it would help them learn about the popposite sex that we are all the same… we fart & dodo the same, we burp the same, all og these in various sizes lenghts etc. if sex does come into play , then still it’s by choice.. if living with the opposite sex with no sexual ties will help a person mature, then so be it..
May 7th, 2008 at 8:33 am
I think by signing a paper it just makes it legal. Throughout college my girlfriend and I stayed at each others place. It kinda depended on how the roommates were with it. At least this way, if the two are a “couple”, the roommates will not be put out or uncomfortable.
May 7th, 2008 at 8:33 am
you’re not old-fashioned Kim - just realistic.
I don’t like the idea of co-ed dorm rooms. I think its enough of a transition for kids to go from high school to college without the added element of learning to live with someone of the opposite sex I guess if the kids were life long platonic friends and had already worked out the inevitable “I don’t like you in that way” period of their relationship maybe it could be positive. But hemajang is right - there needs to be an out in case things stop going well. funny things can happen at college…..
May 7th, 2008 at 9:49 am
they perfume the air. ha! that is the best one yet.
i lived with this really hot ex-cheerleader once thinking it was going to be sweet, her friends over and stuff and well, having my room next to the bathroom was pretty disgusting. i will spare the details but every crazy sound you can think of and yeah. not to mention the one week four different dudes came over.
but of course it can go the same way for a woman. dudes can be noisy as **** and have just as many overnight guests.
this trend might train men and women to better live together in the future. regardless of who, what, where, why, and when the roommates have to talk if there is an issue. because that is the best way to have a workable living situation. no talk no expect harmony.
shoots.
May 7th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
The only real problemo I see with this one has to do with all these campus “assaults” on female students that you hear about every so often (UH ain’t alone; KGMB earned an Emmy recently with their report on how easy it was to get into certain dorm[s]). Currently, there are, what, certain wings designated for either gender (I commuted, see; so, did my cohorts), and, you see a guy in a room for too long, you might know something’s up. With co-ed, how the heck do you tell?
Personally speaking, if I were in a co-ed dorm situation? No telling how many times I may need to change rooms if I feel the need to take off shirt, emphasize me pecs and guns ‘pon meeting female roommate in question, bwwwaaaaa.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:47 am
I don’t see what the big deal is. There will be people who can handle it, and people who can’t, but you’re (usually) an adult when you go to college, and theoretically able to make those decisions. If you live outside of the campus housing system, you can live with whoever you want in whatever configuration you want, so does it really matter if we allow students the same options on campus?
I’ve shared a room with girls before and not had a problem. I’ve also shared a room with girls and had it be a serious problem. In both instances, the results were the fault of myself and the person I lived with, and how we approached and dealt with each other.
I think it might be a reasonable precaution to allow co-ed rooms only if you have a specific person you’d like to live with or a reason, and not as an option you can choose if you’re getting a random roommate, since the success of co-ed cohabitation lies pretty heavily on how you deal with the situation.
Question: why aren’t we allowed to specify sexuality on roommate applications? If restricting the gender of a roommate is acceptable, restricting their sexuality should be as well.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
One of the problems a student in college may encounter is the roommate (often a girl) who invites her significant other to live with her/him. This happened to a friend of mine, who was too timid and polite to say “no.” Be that as it may, it required her to dress and undress in the bathroom down the hall and put up with the couples’ love-making a few feet away. School administrators did nothing. Of course, if her parents had known, they would have been upset at paying for a room for two, which ended up being for “three.” I also agree with Chicken Greese that co-ed dorms can lead to assault situations for girls. I understand that “date rape” is a major problem on today’s college campuses because of coed dorms. In my day, a guy in a girls’ dorm after a certain hour could get him kicked out of school. But scarier than guys and gals in adjacent rooms are mixed-sex bathrooms, where a thin shower curtain could be all that separates a young lady from someone shaving.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Richard: You are definitely a parent.
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