Quarterlife Café » Un-preparing yourself for College

Un-preparing yourself for College

April 30th, 2008 by Kim

I went back to the ol’ high school alma mater last night as part of the annual “Life Ater ‘Iolani” event. We divided into groups according to the regions where the seniors were headed to school, so I represented the East Coast with three other alums, who had attended MIT, Boston University and Cornell University. There were about 30 students in our classroom, which I consider a good number.

The 2-hour event gives students an opportunity to be in a room sans parents, teachers and other adults, with just their peers and some young(er) alumni. So, students can ask questions that might not have been asked in the presence of adults, for example, about drugs, alcohol and “hook-ups.” And alumni can give honest answers.

I was glad that in addition to the usual questions about how to stay in touch with friends and how often to call parents, we also had practical questions — how to purchase a good winter coat without breaking the bank, how to find a job during school to help with costs, how to sneak a rice cooker into the dorm without campus security or your RA catching you.

This is the second college info night I’ve participated in. Every year I leave feeling optimistic that I’ve offered at least some semi-useful advice to seniors about the challenges they will face getting on a plane, traveling 13 hours away from family and friends and familiar surroundings, and stepping into an environment that in many cases will be new and foreign in almost every way.

I also think: there is no way that I or anyone else can prepare a Hawaii high school senior fully for when he or she finally embarks on that experience.

Before I left for Massachusetts in August 2002, I talked to a lot of people. But I think there are some things that people tell you that you can never understand or appreciate until you get there; things you just have to learn for yourself.

For example: how can you begin to fathom what 20-below-zero feels like when you’ve enjoyed sunny 80-degree weather for your entire life?

Or, take long-distance relationships. Both years, alumni addressed the topic, basically saying that there is a 95 percent chance that long-distance relationships that carry over from high school to college are doomed. There’s always a nervous twitter among the seniors, many expressing confidence that “there’s still 5 percent.”

I guess it’s just something you have to learn for yourself.

Entering into an entirely different environment, an entirely different life, even, is what going from high school to college is all about. Whether it’s going up the street to the University of Hawaii or HPU or leaving for a rural town in upstate New York, college should be, at times, uncomfortable. It should jar you a bit. Who knows — it might change you from who you were in high school. It may change your friendships with people you thought you would be able to talk to forever. But that’s not always a bad thing.

I guess my advice to seniors would be: yes, ask questions, take some time to prepare yourself for school, for leaving Hawaii and your friends and family. But don’t be afraid to venture off without knowing everything. Don’t be afraid to embrace the unknown.

Teachers might want you to think otherwise, but college isn’t just about school — it’s 60 percent academic learning and 40 percent everything else.

I wish someone had told me that before I left for college.

photo: College graduation, June 2006.

Tags: college, high school, iolani

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 30th, 2008 at 1:25 pm and is filed under Quarterlife Island. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

15 Responses to “Un-preparing yourself for College”

mrs_M:
April 30th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
I have noticed that more and more high schools on Maui (where I live) are doing the College Night thing. I think it is helpful for both the high school students as well as the parents (parents had their own breakout session at these nights that helped to answer questions about financial aid, coping with their child being gone, etc). I wish that I would have been able to ask questions before I went away to the college in the Northwest. You’re right, no one can prepare you for the weather change (it was gloomy for 9 months!). But I had a great 4 years and learned SO much about myself.
Yoda808:
April 30th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
I really think you hit the nail on the head with this blog. Having pretty much worked at my high school ever since graduating from it there are a number of times where I would try to talk to students, whenever they were interested, to try and convey to them what college is like. As much as want them to succeed, a lot of them have no reference or idea of what happens when you move on to college, especially if you go away.

A lot of the time it really is something that you learn from by experiencing it yourself. In the end though I think it’s good because, what you learn from those experiences really makes you figure out what kind of person you are.
JuSaMee:
April 30th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
thats a great thing you’re apart of. i remember sitting through one of those, but it wasn’t like this. basically we had 3 or 4 alums sitting panel-like in front of our entire class. we should’ve done it more by region that we can really ask questions and be more detailed. i was one of them typical hawaii students afraid to leave the island and so didin’t. while i have some regret i wouldn’t change anything in my past, things worked out and i ended up going through some personal stuff that i would’ve regretted MORE had i gone away. its all about learning from life experiences no matter where you are.
jash:
April 30th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
2 of my good friends stayed together when the guy went to oregon (2 years) and the girl stayed here. they’re still together ever since senior year of hs.

so its definitely not impossible, it really depends on how dedicated they are to each other imo.

also, Iolani? i might be friends with a few of your classmates….unsurprisingly
hokulani:
April 30th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
KIM!!! i figured you’d write about this after last night. i’m glad i got to talk to you. [and hopefully we can find a time for you to talk to my students]. our room was FILLED with students going to schools all over washington and oregon. i saw you guys were still talking when we left. this is the fourth time i’ve done it, and every year i think of something else i shoulda said after i already left. but i really wish someone told me all the things we tell them before i went away… hopefully i’ll see you soon! =)
jenjen:
May 1st, 2008 at 6:42 am
This post made my day. I stumbled onto your blog about a month ago, since I’ve been homesick up here in California. And I have to say that I relate to a lot of what you write about. Then, lo and behold, I found out that you’re an Iolani alum, like me. Although, I’m from the c/o ‘99; so i’m a little older than you. I thought the “Life after Iolani” event was extremely helpful. Good for you for participating and giving back to the school. College really changed me too, especially grad school in NYC. It’s the culture shock that I didn’t really get warned about. But, I think it helps you to develop a really thick skin.

Keep up the great writing!
lori:
May 1st, 2008 at 8:02 am
Great topic, even if it makes me feel like an old futt!

Coming from Hawaii and going to school on the East Coast, I would say, don’t be afraid to make friends with people other than people from Hawaii and California. I fell into that trap and although I love my friends to pieces, it’s nice to have diversity.

Freshman ten (or fifteen): it’s a reality.

Exploit your hawaii-ness. People love it. And get used to people telling you, “Why in the world would you want to come here?” when you tell them you’re from Hawaii.
lori:
May 1st, 2008 at 8:07 am
Also, did anyone present questions about Thanksgiving or traveling during break? that’s also why I would recommend befriending a East Coaster. Or asking for an East Coaster as a freshman roommate. heh.
carolyn:
May 1st, 2008 at 8:40 am
this is a great post Kim. Along with the comments there are some great bits of advice for those preparing (or now un-preparing) for the big trip away from home. good job!
C.W.:
May 1st, 2008 at 9:42 am
Can we get into more details about the hooking up?
JMAW:
May 1st, 2008 at 10:53 am
I spent a good amount of time serving students as an Resident Advisor, Hall Director, and Residence Life Coordinator at two Universities. In many instances, I’ve seen an attitude or a philosophy practiced that isn’t always one of serving students. I completely disagree. Students must know that the University exists because of students. The same thing goes for all the services that are offered.

Students and/or their parents pay good money for college and the costs that come with it. Quality service should be offered and if it’s not then students have the right and even duty to fight for it. There are multiple levels and entities that exist at Universities for students to get the support they need. And don’t be afraid to shake the different branches on the tree. It’s not always popular to do so, but if you’re fighting for what’s right and it can benefit the lives of those around you, then it’s worth it.
Andrew:
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:15 am
I still remember doing this (for parents). In particular, I remember the only person asking questions was your dad, and the only person answering questions was me, and I was doing my best to unsettle the parents in the room.

“Sure, the University of Rochester boasts a 40 second response time to calls from the emergency phones around campus, but how long does it take someone to hit you over the head and drag you away, or stab you, or shoot you?”

“Well, the campus is beautiful and affluent, but right across the street is the lowest income area I’ve ever seen in my life. The residents of that area often come across the river to rob college kids. Like the guy who lived next to me in the dorms; he got punched in the face right outside our building!”
betweenTHEears:
May 2nd, 2008 at 1:50 pm
The closest thing we had at Kahuku (when I was there in ‘98) was a midguided counselor who spoke about his days in college…some 30 years prior. Not entirely useful by any means. Additionally, this counselor almost pulled a Lily Tomlin (as in the movie Orange County) and submitted the wrong SAT scores. Thank god I noticed this before my apps went out.

I agree with the sense of unknown that many high school graduates encounter once in college. I went through it twice. Once in transitioning from a country town like Kahuku…to Manoa…and eventually to Palo Alto for grad school. In both cases, long distance relationship failed and I had to learn how to assimilate into my new surroundings.

Now that I am back at Manoa obtaining an MBA degree with a few degrees already under my belt, the only adjustment that I’ve had to make is allotting time between full-time work and part-time evening classes.

Great blog, btw.
Richard:
May 2nd, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I am well-aware that not every student in Hawaii can afford to go to school on the Mainland, but if they or their parents can do so, I would strongly suggest it. Because studying on the Mainland is like obtaining TWO college degrees:

1. One in your academic field (studying Chemistry or English, et al.; performing research; getting to know the library; doing an internship; producing papers and reports); and
2. One in the challenges you will face (eating potatoes, shoveling snow off your car, understanding “New York-ese”, trying to figure out how to get from Columbus, Ohio to Philadelphia, buying an airplane ticket, finding your lost luggage, answering dumb questions about Hawaii, etc.).

In many ways, as a preparation for life and the difficulties and opportunities that globalization presents, the second will be more important than the first.
Pablo Wegesend:
May 5th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I suggest Hawaii students attend UH1

The “mainland college advocates” say you’ll meet people different from yourself in the mainland!

But a Hawaii student @ UH gets to learn how people from other parts of Hawaii live!

My high school (McKinley) was an urban, mostly immigrant, partially ghettotized, and one of the least “local” schools in Hawaii!

So meeting people from the Neighbor Islands, rural Oahu and suburban Oahu was an eye opener for me!

So was meeting UH students who came from Oregon & Washington (where most of the mainland students @ UH came from) an eye opener