All the anxiety, minus the acne
April 3rd, 2008 by Kim
I was excited tonight to watch one of the greatest high school reunion flicks of all time: Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion.
OK. I admit it. I love this movie. Strange, because it came out when I was in seventh grade. It’s about two best friends who, ashamed to go to their 10-year high school reunion without a success story, concoct one to go with a flashy car, elaborate up-dos and business suits.
The story? They invented Post-its.
Facing my own 5-year high school reunion around Christmas was … surreal. Thankfully, I didn’t have one of those high school experiences where I placed myself in a certain category: popular, jock, cheerleader, nerd. Unlike Romy and Michele, I didn’t have a chip on my shoulder from being bullied in high school, I didn’t go to woo an old crush or confront an enemy. I was actually looking forward to seeing old friends.
But getting ready for the event, I felt a pang of nervousness in my stomach.
At this point in my life, I have not yet figured out how to define “success.” At a high school reunion, where everyone is trying to be their best, it’s easy to spot how some of my classmates have come to see that term. For some, it’s having a rock on your finger and a handsome stud by your side. For others, it’s wearing the latest fashions, having an expensive bag or designer shoes. For some others, it’s having a gaggle of outgoing friends, or a family, even a baby.
In the absence of most of these things in my own life, I’ve come to define success — and in turn, my own self-worth — by my education and my career. And I’m not always 100 percent sure that that’s the right way to go.
Whether high school was a nightmare you’d rather erase from memory or the best years of your life, there is a painful transformation that takes place during that time that I think everyone goes through. Those years are when we lose something, we cease being uninhibited and unashamed, we forget the ease of childhood. Maybe it’s the first time we start truly caring about what others think. For the first time, real or imagined, we have something to prove about ourselves.
My reunion hit me with a rush of those feelings because, suddenly, I stepped into a room full of the first people to whom I felt like I had to prove something about myself. And I forget exactly what that was in high school — probably that I was “cool,” or different, or smart, or good at sports. It triggered something in my head that put me on “Meet-and-Impress” Mode. Suddenly, I felt like I had to put my successes out there for everyone to see.
When Romy and Michele’s Post-it story backfires and they are laughed out of the room, they return a few minutes later sans business suits, wearing their normal flashy attire and being, well, just themselves. The moral of the story is: there will always be nerds and jocks and popular kids, there will always be bullies and people who take pleasure in putting you down. Just be yourself.
Once you start working, you find that life is — in many ways — just like high school. But if you can shed the attitude that you are only as good as others think you are, then you’ll go a long way. In the end, I guess that’s more and more becoming my definition of “success.”
We’ll see how I fare at the 10-year mark.
photo: tvnz.co.nz
Tags: high school, movies
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:46 am
Five year reunion? I can’t remember if we had one so early. I guess there is a desire to re-connect 5 years after high school and possibly a college degree in hand and most working. I must say you have already done well for yourself and parents feeling good about their working adult child and not living at home. Your writing says a lot about yourself and I admire your work. Keep it up.
I had a reunion (actually a 60th birthday celebration) for the first time a few months ago. It was very eerie to see and meet my classmates who I have haven’t seen since graduation in 1965. I had the same nervousness as you but it was fun talking story. After all those years, my recollection of them and impression now, remained the same. Basically, you are what you are. Although, there was one classmate and his wife from the south who we sat next to, really threw me…just a regular plantation pidgin english local boy in HS, but went in the Army and somehow ended up a Baptist minister in Georgia. With a deep southern accent, he gave a Billy Graham like, uplifting blessing before our dinner.
April 3rd, 2008 at 11:50 am
gee, when did they start doing 5 year reunions? my 10 year came and went and ii felt no need to attend because most of my friends that i still hang out with are from highschool. we would just be spending money to do something that we already do at each others house. besides, i judge success by happiness. it seems that me and my friends are happy where we are at in life and we have no reason to show off or have others brag to us. that and the fact that we no like see guys, as i attended an all boys school.hah.
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:01 pm
i was watching R&M highschool reunion also! part of the reason im a bit tired at work today. being 29 years old and having the majority of my close friends for about 15 years the pressure of proving myself to them was never an issue. Over the span of our friendship i believe we have become more appreciative of our character and as a group our character is what attracts us and keeps us together. We all want to have success dont get me wrong, but no matter how successful we become my friends and i will always look at each other as we did in highschool. As for other people we associated with, i honestly believe its not an important issue as to how i or we are percieved. My friends and i all went to college and have decent jobs, but in the grand scheme of things what does it matter what people who dont really know us think about us anyway. Success is subjective imo. great read!
April 4th, 2008 at 8:45 am
with my 10 year reunion coming up in a few months i’m pretty nervous too. i had always told myself i’d go if i lost weight, had a baby, or was pregnant…like you i was nervous about where i’d rank too!! but i’ve come to grips with the fact that even though i haven’t had a baby yet i’m still greatly blessed. i’m married toa wonderful man, we have good jobs, i finished my mba, and we own our own place…i’d say we’re doing pretty good. of course i still would rather walk in at my high school weight…lol…i have a few more months!
April 7th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
I have my 10-year reunion coming up next year. We also had a 5-year reunion, but it was very informal; it was held at a park and invitation was by word of mouth. I skipped it. I plan on going to my 10-year, but I’m not sure if I’m looking forward to it.
Like some of the other commenters here, I’m still friends with my friends from high school, so I’m not looking to reconnect with any old buddies.
Unfortunately (in my eyes, anyway), I will still be a college student. I feel like I’m lagging behind the rest of my classmates, but when I really think about it, I have a beautiful wife, a good kid, a good job, and I don’t live with my parents. I’ve figured myself out, I think. Isn’t that a measure of success?
I will probably attend, just for an excuse to party.
April 7th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
WHOA WOW ‘EH YOU DA KINE IN DA NEWSPEPAH, YAH?