The Game
March 30th, 2008 by Kim
Have you heard of “The Game“? It’s like the Bible for the male and socially awkward.
“The Game,” written by former New York Times reporter and critic Neil Strauss, is an autobiographical work that tells of Strauss’ exploration into the world of pick up artists — men skilled in the art of meeting women, who he collectively calls, “the seduction community.”
Upon its publication in 2005, the book was on the NYT Bestseller List for two months and skyrocketed almost immediately to the #1 seller list on Amazon.com.
In 2004, Strauss wrote an article about his experiences in the NYT. “The Game” also inspired a 2007 reality show on VH1, called “The Pick Up Artist” (contestants/protegees pictured above), as well as a set of pick up artist jargon and methods:
PUA -Pick Up Artist. A man skilled in the art of picking up women.
AFC - Average Frustrated Chump. A guy who has historically had issues with meeting and talking to women. May or may not be a virgin.
The “Neg” - a playful insult, the purpose of which is to “momentarily lower a woman’s self-esteem and to suggest an intriguing disinterest. (’Nice nails. Are they real? No? Oh, they look nice anyway.’)”
Peacocking - standing out in a room, often by donning louder clothing. May or may not include fuzzy hats, platform boots and black nail polish.
What gives? Do men suddenly need a new vocabulary, a book, a TV show and kohl eyeliner to get women to talk to them? Whatever happened to “Hi. What’s your name?”
At first, as a female, after doing some research about the “seduction community,” it was hard not to feel partially amused, partially enraged. Enraged, because — let’s face it — the strategies used by men described in “The Game” and on “The Pick Up Artist” objectify women. Girls in social situations, just waiting to be picked up by men skilled at the trade, might as well be bottlecaps, or some other shiny object to be collected. There is also a heavy emphasis on how to be not only a Pick Up Artist, but a seduction artist, which suggests that men aren’t exactly embarking on the experiment to find a perfect mate, but to see how many women they can sleep with.
But the amusement came from the realization that, hey, men do kind of have it rough when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex. Of course most females nowadays like to think of ourselves as The Independent Woman, but our society still relies on men to make the first move. And part of the reason why I watched the characters on VH1’s “The Pick Up Artist” with amusement and even a twang of sympathy is because I see my own guy friends in all their hesitance and adorable awkwardness trying to talk to beautiful, confident and successful women in social situations. And I gotta tell you, I feel for them.
And yeah — boy, do I feel lucky to be female.
For some men of course, “The Game” will always be about impressing your friends and seeing how many women you can sleep with. On the other hand, I suspect (I hope, at least) that there are men out there who employ the techniques because they want to meet their perfect match, who still see”The Game” as about “meeting” and “getting to know,” and not “scoring.” Call me romantic. Or at least just female.
I can say this for certain: I’d hate to see any of my sweet, slightly-awkward guy pals turn into Master PUA’s. Heck, they might start stealing my eyeliner.
Tags: relationships, TV
March 30th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Wasn’t there a book that came out a few years ago for women? I think it was called, “The Rules” or something. For every book that promotes a certain strategy (that may objectify women) for men to pick up na wahine, there is one for women (that may propagate stereotypes about men) as well.
I’ve always held fast to the notion that games are for Playstation and drama for the Lifetime channel. I always walked away when I felt a wahine was playing games or was too immature to be straight up with me. Let your “no” mean “no” and your “yes” mean “yes,” as the good book says. The way you start a relationship sets a precedent for the rest of your life and if you have to jump through hoops playing a game to get her attention, then you’re going to be jumping through hoops the rest of your life to get her approval.
And I can’t complain about the results, because I married my happliy ever after.
March 30th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
You make a good point franksabunch.
March 31st, 2008 at 7:45 am
I’ve skimmed The Game and, while I’ve never actually employed any of the mildly horrifying techniques described, they make a lot of sense. What I’m not sure of, however, is that the techniques themselves work for a large number of women, or whether they’re employable on a routine basis, or whether they’re effective at getting women to talk to you or sleep with you or marry you or what. I suspect the book’s strength is that all of the talking points sound very plausible, and the book gives its readers an unhealthy dose of confidence, which pretty much every girl in existence agrees is attractive.
March 31st, 2008 at 9:30 am
You haven’t lived until you’ve been a high school boy calling up a girl for a date to a movie or a dance. Talk about butterflies in the stomach!
March 31st, 2008 at 9:40 am
You have not lived unless you’ve been a high school boy calling up a girl for a date to the movies or a dance. Talk about butterflies in the stomach.
Note: I sent this message through ten minutes earlier and was greeted with a “This web page not available message.” It was much easier to use the old Advertiser web site. I’m about ready to become a blog dropout.
March 31st, 2008 at 11:25 am
Hold fast, hammerinhank. The conspiracist side of me (which is alive and well, muhuhuhuhhahahaa!!!) is thinking that’s EXACTLY what “they”want to happen, heh.
To the subject at hand — my word!!!! What hath come our way with this “The Game.” At the onset, this thing kinda’ seems forced, you know? But, hey, everything can be taught nowadays, right? In this informercial, Internet world.
Actually, Kim — and I don’t mean to be a wise giy by sayhing the following — newsflash: “Whatever happened to ‘Hi. What’s your name?’” became an endagered species when the fallout from the feminist movement told women it was OK to give a two-snaps comeback when a male innocently asked them questions like that. Maybe this “The Game” is a response to balance the scales once again, come to think of it.
Ah, why the hell am I caring. There is a think as asexuality. I’m happily ever after as well, since I LOVE being single (ping!!!!).
March 31st, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Chicken: Good point. I personally hate “the game” — not talking about the book, but just this whole annoying dance between members of the opposite sex. I apologize for the snappy comments you or other males may have received… but there ARE some sleazy guys out there, and a girl just can’t be too careful sometimes. Unfortunately, the handful of sleazy guys give all the rest of you good men a bad rap. Sympathies.
March 31st, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Heh, no, no, you don’t have to apologize on behalf of those. Thanks for bringing up this story, though.
March 31st, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Boring….and I;m not talking about the topic.
April 1st, 2008 at 9:50 am
i think i have vagina envy
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Mystery and his fellow “PUA’s” are total douches. All it takes is a set of balls and some nice smelling cologne (men read: no Old Spice or Drakkar Noir) to approach a woman and try to chat her up. If she declines, is snarky or genuinely disinterested, move on to someone who may care a bit more.
April 7th, 2008 at 11:16 am
What’s remarkable isn’t that the Game objectifies women (which it does), it’s that women like all those behaviors and mindset of a man that objectifies women.
April 7th, 2008 at 11:21 am
I have to take issue with this. What woman enjoys being objectified?
April 8th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Hey Kim, who lies more: men or women? (those of us who read the book are laughing)
The Game is old news. Neil Strauss already has a follow-up book set called “The Rules of the Game” where he takes readers into the dark side of The Game. The book also includes a 30 day program where Neil challenges the reader to self improvement through overcoming their own insecurities and shortcomings by way of some rather painful self-examination, briefings, and field missions. To say the least, Strauss has grown at lot since 2004.
As for The Pick-Up Artist, I don’t think it was actually inspired by The Game. In The Game, Strauss studies under Mystery (among others). That same Mystery is the Donald Trump of The Pick-Up Artist. The show and the book are definitely related, but to say that the book inspired the show confuses later-in-time with a result.
If you’re really interested in seeing first-hand how some people of “the seduction community” have moved away from the silly gimmicky questions, from objectifying women, and from trying to bang as many girls as possible without thought of the repercussions, I recommend you talk to Tyler Durden (from The Game). He lives right here in Honolulu and runs boot camps helping guys fix their insecurity problems to help them be comfortable with women, but most of all comfortable with themselves. Google his company: Real Social Dynamics. I promise, he won’t steal your eyeliner.
April 11th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Hm. Thanks, that might make an interesting feature story. Helping men to feel more confident about themselves seems like a much better idea than making the focus about picking up women.