Love in the time of Facebook
February 14th, 2008 by KimAt 24, I’ve never been “In a Relationship.”
Hang on. I’m not THAT socially awkward. I have been in a relationship. I’ve just never been “In a Relationship” on Facebook.
Facebook, the internet social networking site created and launched by a Harvard drop-out in 2004, has 64 million users today. It got its name from college “facebooks” — actual printed booklets given to freshmen with mugs of other students and faculty which are supposed to help them get to know people on campus. (Personally, we just used ours to look up cute guys…)
Facebook used to only be open to students at certain colleges. But as of Sept. 2006, it is now open to anyone over 13. Anyone who signs up for a Facebook account can message other Facebook users, write on others’ pages (”the wall”), or list their favorite books, movies and quotes alongside millions and millions of pictures of themselves.
But on this Valentine’s Day, Facebook is changing — or complicating — the dating scene with features that allow individuals to publicize their relationship status. One feature allows two people to show on each of their pages that they are “In a Relationship.” (Useful if you’re browsing the site for attractive singles.)
Besides “In a Relationship,” you also have the option of choosing “Married,” “Engaged,” “In an Open Relationship” or “It’s Complicated.”
All of those options are not as binding as the last option, which shows “In a Relationship” and then adds “with,” after which you can add the name of the person you are seeing. In order to show the “with” option, both people must agree that they want to make it “Facebook official.”
The wonderful — and complicated — thing about this is that Facebook doesn’t discriminate. For example, I could be “Married to” my best girl friend tomorrow, as long as she agreed.
Right now, one of my guy friends is “In an Open Relationship” with Jessica Biel.
You can imagine that this can be used for good as well as evil. Two of my friends, a guy and a girl, went to Bangkok for spring break last year, took tons of pictures together, changed their Facebook “relationship status” and convinced everyone that they had gotten engaged. The next day she received dozens of messages: “You look so HAPPY! This is soooo exciting! CONGRATS!!!”
That’s actually hilarious and harmless. But according to this article, obsessions with checking Facebook, especially your partner’s page, can promote jealously in long-distance relationships if one person suspects the other may be receiving too many messages from other Facebook users — especially if the other users are cute.
Photos can be another source of problems. For your stalking convenience, another feature allows you to view all pictures posted on Facebook in which a certain person appears. I’ve heard of relationships going to pieces after a friend posted risque photos of someone’s significant other having a little too much fun over spring break.
For myself personally, I avoid posting my relationship status on Facebook or dozens of photos of myself and my significant other, because I believe things like that don’t really need to be publicized. Posting my relationship status, determining whether we’re serious (or not serious) enough to be in a relationship as well as “In a Relationship,” seems to me to be just one more complication in the already complicated game of love.
I can only imagine what Facebook is doing to high school relationships, where the idea of being “official” is everything — even if it’s just a label. When I was in high school, two people could walk past each other in the halls, barely talk, never go on dates and still be “in a relationship.” Now they can do all that AND be Facebook official!
Tags: blogs and new media, Facebook, relationships
February 14th, 2008 at 1:41 am
First!
February 14th, 2008 at 2:00 am
Hm, I might have to check out Facebook. I feel too old for the myspace scene heh.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:01 am
When I am traveling, I play Facebook Poker with my buddies. It’s strangely addicting. Overall, I think Facebook is pretty rad.
February 14th, 2008 at 7:05 am
I laughed pretty hard when I read this; my girlfriends are all in a relationship together. Some of them have boyfriends but instead choose to note their best friend as their sig other. It’s crazy.
And the paper facebook? I too also looked for cute guys. It worked really well for law school to scope out the new guys.
February 14th, 2008 at 8:45 am
Happy Valentine’s Day Kim! Keep up the great work!
February 14th, 2008 at 9:03 am
The worst is the pathetic, passive weaklings that use the Facebook relationship status indicator to break up with their significant other.
It’s kind of astounding how many times I’ve heard of that happening.
February 14th, 2008 at 10:24 am
LOL…so true!! i’m so over these social networking sites. too much dramz lol. they’re good to keep in touch with people you don’t see on a daily basis, but i’ll take real-life interactions any day!
February 14th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Hahahaha…you crack me up Kim. Great stuff. I’m glad that you’re taking a humorous approach to all this. If you want, we can “be in a relationship” together…or does that seem like “it’s complicated”??
February 14th, 2008 at 11:17 am
You know, I actually really like The Facebook, but I’m like you–I avoid posting too much personal information. It’s just a place for me to drop notes to college friends that I don’t have the time to call these days. =)
February 14th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Facebook is also a great way to eavesdrop on people you know!
February 14th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
But how else can you show that it is true love without confirming it on Facebook?!?
In this here crazy world, especially on Valentine’s Day, is there no other way!
Think of the perfect gift you could give your significant other to officially confirm that love for the world on Facebook.
I suppose I am just a romantic!
February 14th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
If not for scrabulous, facebook would be utterly useless. haha
February 14th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
it took me a while to be okay with facebook since it was built for students. but now that i’m there, i must admit… i love knowing everyone’s real names and surnames now. it’s like being back in school again anyway!
February 14th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
And you can eavesdrop on all your friends!!!
February 15th, 2008 at 9:53 am
This conversation feels so familiar - and it’s likely because many of the same things were said about MySpace just a few years ago, pre-Facebook-takeover.
Of course, MySpace is still alive and kicking, but from my little corner of the Internet, I’ve seen all too many friends say they’re leaving MySpace and the internet world, only to have them pop up on Facebook going, “Add me!”
Which begs two questions:
1) Assuming MySpace has declined in popularity because of Facebook, will Facebook experience the same demise?
2) If so, what’s next? FaceSpace?
February 15th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Mike,
I’m not sure. What do people find problematic with Facebook that they might want to see included, or not included, in another new social networking site?
Lots of people I know also use “LinkedIn,” which doesn’t have a pictures or favorite things feature, but which is more for professionals looking to connect with past employers or others in their field.
February 19th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Kim,
Maybe I’m just blowing hot air around. Looking at the MySpace/Facebook example, Facebook seems to offer “more” than MySpace in terms of interaction with members. Why post comments via MySpace like “Hey - haven’t seen you in a while! How have you been?” when you could wave, hug or throw a sheep (via SuperPoke on Facebook) at a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while to break the ice? With all the various applications on Facebook nowadays, it’s very flexible and accomodating for any user that wants to hop on. Even MySpace has caught on to the popularity of Facebook - they recently came out with tagged photos and news feeds about how your friends have changed their profiles.
That being said, Facebook looks like it’s becoming the “giant” of social networking. I also know that this observation is limited to the people on my friends list - MySpace could be far from kicking the bucket.
But with all the flexibility comes a potential for bad - case in point, the stories and bad rep MySpace gets in the news. One story in particular - the suicide of Megan Meier, where a young woman’s life is cut short, partially brought about by interaction on MySpace.
With stories like that, the shelf-life for social networking sites may have some expiration date on them. How far out in advance is that? *shrug* So, if there’s a next site, I’d be interested to find out what “it” is. But it’s possible that there won’t be a next.