When the idea of this blog first came up, it was suggested that, among other things, I would write about dating.
Well, that idea was quickly put to rest.
Until now. Actually, I wanted to talk about a certain conundrum facing twenty somethings in particular as we find ourselves fresh out of college and preparing to enter the real working world. And, yes, it has to do with relationships. Or rather, starting them.
A few weeks ago, following a conversation about this topic, a friend sent me an email:
“Your question about finding it difficult to meet people now…revise that to be ‘meet quality people’ and the answer is a resounding ‘yes,’” he wrote.
Single, out-of-college, early-to-mid twenty year olds sit at an awkward crux of the dating world. Having left college, we are no longer surrounded by a cohort of boundless single, like-minded individuals of shared affinities and aspirations. But, we are not yet at the point of desperation that would necessitate online dating and other “well-intentioned, but thrown in the towel”-type dating services. Which leaves them in the middle of the two awkwardly treading through the “social scene.”
He managed to hit on a big issue for the average quarter-lifer: meeting “quality” people out of college.
At this point in my life, my friends are pretty much either single or in long-term, soon-to-be-married-but-still-denying-it types of relationships. The only ones who are actually dating are in graduate school, which is the same concept as college: an abundance of like-minded people and the existence of situations where you can actually get to know someone without having to shout at them over blasting music.
I’d also argue that as far as meeting people, Hawaii’s social scene is pretty limited. Maybe Kawehi, the Advertiser’s entertainment writer, can point me in the right direction, but I was never that big on clubs, as it seems that on the dance floor, guys can’t even be bothered with conversation anymore.
Honolulu’s trendy bars are like clubs anyway, and — again — have the same blasting music problem. And I think we should just cross dive bars off the list without getting into the specifics.
There’s also the problem of the people you meet if you do ever venture out there to Chinatown or Waikiki on a weekend. Most of my friends work good jobs and are looking to meet a mate who is gainfully employed, or at least has solid plans to be in the near future. They’re not eager to meet someone whose biggest commitment right now is going to clubs and getting wasted five nights a week.
Unfortunately, BECAUSE my friends are all working full time, most are too exhausted to do the club or bar scene after work, and I suspect that’s not unusual. So, if few of the gainfully employed singles are going to clubs, then what are the odds of actually meeting one there?
Where does that leave us. Concerts, yes, lots of young people there but again — same loud music problem. Co-workers? Most often turns out messy. Bowling alley? Hey, it works for some people. The beach? That just adds to the layer called ‘physical attractiveness’ which only further complicates the situation.
Part of the trauma of quarter life is being tossed out there, away from your dorms and roommates, away from the comfortable routine of homework and grades, and into the real world, where you feel, well, just a little alone.
What’s a twenty something to do?